Ok this is wierd. I am the most broken person among those I’ve seen. Atleast among fellow science students anyway. So of course I’m an emotional mess. But, but there is some strange thing I like to do - bully people. By bully I don’t mean actually bully people, but more like tease them. And some people do get offended. I’m sort of wary of that. But that’s alright. It’s expected of people to get offended.
What I don’t get is when people get offended if you help them, or help someone else. Let’s say there’s a person X who I see is having issues with arranging their notes or something. Now I see this and suggest that they pin them together and give them a label or something. Very simple interaction, right ? Maybe I could have come up with a better one, but it doesn’t matter.
Now, in this case , it’s totally up to X to decide whether to listen or not. I don’t care either way. For all I know, I don’t even know this person X at all, so I would mind my business either way. But no, another person Y sees this and they get all offended. Y starts yelling at me telling that X is free to do whatever they want and that I shouldn’t be telling them what to do. Ok.. fine, I guess ? I don’t know who either X or Y is, and I don’t care either, but I try to say chill , sort of, just in case. So I tell Y that they’re right, and that I only suggested that to X because I personally found it useful. At this point , I expect a ‘Yeah whatever bro’. But then Y goes on about how X should do things in their own style and that now I have received my second warning. Any more talking like this and action will be taken against me.
What the heck ? Bro what did I even do ? I myself don’t care that much about what I said. Why’re you blowing this out of proportion ?
I just leave. Like literally, if I say or do anything more, I’ll probably be prosecuted or something. Who the hell are they anyway ? Entitled people ? I just met them like , five minutes before that conversation. I have had the unfortunate privilege of meeting a lot of people like this. I don’t know , it’s almost as if these kinds of people want to be offended. I’m just chill man. Just saying.
I don’t know what is going on in your life or what your relation is , but why threaten me out of nowhere ? That’s creepy. Actually q I’d sort of like to go to jail.Atleast I’d be fed there. My job prospects are horrible after graduation, that too if I manage to graduate. Maybe I should speak to these kinds of people more ? That would be nice, right ? Just go talk to someone and you get taken to a place where you get free food for the next six months. But my brain has some weird issue. Everytime I walk away from these kinds of situations, I feel a lasting burn in my chest area. I have no fucking clue why , but it does happen and that feeling stays for a long time. Maybe I need medication ? Is that a normal human response ?
Now that I think about it , one of these events was when my downward spiral started. I had this exact same feeling during first year of college due to some people and I had that burning sensation for almost a month. I’m not making this up- it was physically unbearable pain. And this is oming from someone who breaks his nails, scratches himself until he bleeds and pokes a compass at himself regularly. Those things are less painful than this burning feeling. It really hurts man. And I couldn’t even tell anyone. No one would believe me. Definitely not my family. I had to sit in my room for a whole month not attending classes and exams and then started losing all hope. The pain was unbearable man. This is genuinely where my life started falling apart. I did face subsequent bouts of this, but none was harder than the first. Maybe it’s a medical condition ?
I don’t know.
All I know is that it hurts. And it hurts more than any other pain I’ve experienced. And I’ve experienced a lot of pain. Physical pain. On a regular basis. But by far, this hurts most.